View

For a reason, which I hope has become gradually understandable to those who have already dealt with my life and existence a little more thoroughly, I have not claimed for myself a life path according to an individual manner. Such an individual way has not existed for me. Instead, I would like to be allowed to walk a valid path, which is equipped with a valid goal, and to do so. For this reason I put together the things of my existence to a conclusive whole and thereby search for the truth of my life as intensively as I just can do it without doing any actual harm to myself or others. I long for the fact that I can take and assert my true and being-appropriate position once properly.

In the meantime, it has not been in my own power to decide whether the picture that other people have once painted of me will turn out well or badly for me. I know that what I say here is right. I have had to leave it to the Lord of the things and the people how they have arranged the things for me and can therefore only confess me to who I am and what has been given or granted to me once in true way. Beyond that, I have merely lived in a decent way. I do it in such a way, so that I can ensure a success or also an existence of me in the course of my existence as a human being once. Bigger than this has not been my power during the existence of me so far.

It is close to my heart that thing which still makes me. I would like to achieve it that I take care in the own existence to preserve my things once so that they can keep their validity for me. I would like to point out thereby now and here only something of it, what has appeared to me good, true or right. Alone only so something I have assigned to myself. For this I can write something down as a writer, convert it accordingly pictorially as a painter and form it harmoniously as a composition by means of my music.

I don't want to keep any uncertainty about the goodness of my things during life, because something like that has weakened me unnecessarily, I think. Sometimes I have lowered myself a bit towards other people in order to still get along with my thing. But there I hardly need to believe in such a wrong measurement of my things by others.

I believe that one can really put into benignly formulated words that which conditions one's own existence. I have tried to do that with my writings. Thus I represent with them my own life as it is given for me. To depict it as an outline, however, would still not be possible for me. Much rather than that I can illuminate my world of thoughts and ideas, so that you can hear something of it.

The alleged inability of me for a preservation of those things of my existence has probably been given to me once before. However, the evil could not have been determined all-embracing and everlastingly for me so. Also for me there was certainly still some opportunity to find once something good in the life and to preserve it for the mine and me. I would like to receive this view to my existence with pleasure. I consider such a view on my life as basically right and appropriate towards my cause.

I would like to continue to follow the path I have already taken. I would not want to give up for no reason what I have started there before so laboriously, but fun. I try to help myself by getting what I once got for myself from other people. I am also willing to receive what I have found and secured for myself in the process. My cup should not break prematurely. I want to go the whole way in my existence as it is meant for me.

That way I still walk in an unabridged way. I have renounced thereby willingly some wrong form of a sometimes wrongly praised individuality. I therefore remain the one who I am. However, I do not want to have my attention permanently turned away from the fashions of those other people who are important to me. I am also one of them and sometimes simply join their views.

What have I been trying to achieve for myself through this? - I search for a true order and beauty of those things of my life. I find it sometimes at the actual incidents of my existence, as I can experience it. I have oriented myself in life to allow something good and to acknowledge what has opened up for my fellow human beings and for me in the process. Many a time I have recognized an order of things and their beauty. Then, when they have appeared to me and appeared to me in the right light, it has become so true.

I believe in the good that has resulted from a person's effort. I hope that something good will come from me for other people around me. Saying this has just been important to me.

In order to make sure that the goodness of my things continues, I refer to my denomination in my existence. I believe thereby in a God who exists. Everything that I want to produce in works should have corresponded to the faith of me. To be able to take a good step in this direction, I have trained my knowledge as a layman on the catechism of that church to which I belong. This is a book in a 1997 edition, and I expected something good from it that I read it.

I hope that there is a way for a person familiar with the preservation of the things of existence, which can be found. I have searched for such a way especially for myself and would like to be able to describe it in my own words.

I hardly know anything about the future of us humans. I therefore hold on to that belief that there is a valid, even a divine order. I do this in order not to be excessively worried. This view has been one of the guidelines of my existence as a human being. I believe that the principles of order of a world have always been fixed and condition us. I consider them to be unchangeable and given.

It has become dear to me to think about an order in such an aspect as it is valid for something given. But what should be now with the future of us people? - Perhaps it must remain completely open for the smaller of an existence. The existing order preserves a harmony of the things and makes so many good things at all possible for us, as I find.

I prepare myself for my further path in life by recognizing such forces as they are at work. I look out for further opportunities for me to find out something about those things necessary for life. What I have understood correctly from it, I write down the trivial parts of it. For them there is a clarity. The whole thing is to practice me, so that I get something out of it.

Solidified I would like to be once. I have tried to write down something true with my words. This should help me to ensure good behavior on my part. I would be ready even to a correction of such statements. However, I will only do it if there is a need for it in a way that is comprehensible to me.

But what should happen now? - I want to prepare my work little by little with measure and aim to get something of value. Sometimes, however, I have lost my way on my paths. Then I have had to turn back soon to be able to rectify that. With such thoughts I set out on the way back to myself. With this I walk a path, which has probably already brought some good to some other people. I accomplish such things in my life as others have certainly done. I maintain my happiness in life in this way. This is important for me. It has been good for me to make sense of why I do all these things.

It has been my wish to understand the ordinary of my existence and to put into words the necessary for it, so that my history can be preserved once by someone. That text, which I received thereby, is used by me for the self-study.

I have kept my heart open. It should make me that I am so inclined to people. But I practice patience when it came to the demands of others, which have to be met in life just as much, and I have gladly fulfilled them.

I pray that my thoughts will become a source of truth and love and that I will be able to recover from them in such a way one day. I want to talk to people about ordinary and bearable things. Furthermore, I want to take a healthy and tolerable standpoint on my existence in conversation and otherwise. My word shall be respected by the people, as I also want to understand and respect their point of view.

I dress in opaque robes and tie my belt and the straps to it tightly. I keep my bag with me and carry a staff. My footwear is of sturdy make and my clothing is also weatherproof and suitable to provide me with sufficient protection from the climate here. I am my own shoemaker. This shall help me to get that strength for life which I so urgently need.

I am the author of these words. I bring them to the attention of the Lord, as well as to the reader of the page. I believe in the presentness of the content of the words of mine. I hope that they have turned out acceptably. However, with my writing alone I have been able to state only what I have previously recognized as true and whose value I have judged. It has been beyond my power to take into account such things in my judgment which I have not established in a clear way. I have then hardly heard them and also have not known to fathom them.

The word preserved here has been formed by me before. Through my own concern about the existence of me it could be formed little by little. So, as it has now appeared here, it is already in a revised state. Its content is to turn out to me accordingly. It shows me who I am and what kind of attitude I have to my existence. It is so afflicted with strengths and shortcomings, as I am that in principle also.

Thought

Conclusion

I have written down the texts here once for my own study, so that thanks to them I can learn and understand something. It seems everything in such a way as I have wished my things at the present time. Exactly in such a way I have represented them, so that is given.

A uniformity of my language I try to ensure. That is why I have checked what I have already written. I look closely at its grammatical forms at times. Such writings as I have produced have not been ordinary literary publications. However, they should be able to give me the equipment to an activity as a writer.

These are arguments with myself, which I have done from my own drive. They equip me with thoughts and ideas about my life. I like to have that, because I own something of my own.

Impulse

The prankster

I have not received the same opportunities that other people have experienced in their existence. If I have fared badly, then I have fared really badly. If I am doing well with something, then I am doing really well with it. If I am working on something, then I am working on it completely. If I've rested, then I've really rested. Some people say that I 'live to the fullest'. I maintain that it is much more difficult to live in such a way than in another. You have to be able to reconcile a lot of things. At times, you also have a great burden to carry.

Impulse

The weaver of own things

It is my task set by me to myself in the existence that I would like to be the weaver of an own make one day. Such a make shall then be a whole part of my work. Each further individual piece from my workshop should be useful to the intention of me. I would like to accept everything what is really connected with it for me hereby now so and accept as it has appeared. That what will be necessary for it for the preparation is to be done by me. Thereby I will continue to go my way in an unabridged way.

So I have a lot of things to do. I would like to do this in a simple way. Some of it I have carried out with words in writing. This is how my own texts came into being. To these I have also counted the setting up of a constitution of me with words. It should be an integral part of my work show. It is it, which is to work to my work as a creator of art.

By means of a representation of the constitution in the hidden one within the entire file 'construction kit' I have tried to consider everything, whose true existence I have already once preserved and evaluated myself, with the work and to name it for you. I do it in such a way, because it can be called thus by me and be used for my cause. Thus some things arise already by themselves with me, because I know about them.

In this way, I have already achieved many a good thing. That has already pleased me. After that, it was important to reflect on what I had achieved. This also occurs in my writings, that I speak of my mind. In the meantime, I would like to expand those relevant passages of the collection of texts a little bit more, because it should be of weight for a person to grant some space to his own mind. Besides, I would like to try to address and secure the essential things of the existence with my works. I do it in such a way, in order to be able to determine it once, what means something to me. Meanwhile, I consider it from time to time what has arisen with the work. My writings should turn out simply from their structure. So I would like to arrange them that they do justice to this resolution.

Nevertheless, I have been partly unhappy. I have not been able to do it on the first try, without having some preparation time for it. I have not been virtuosic so far. When I started writing the 'Beggar Wiki', it seemed even more difficult than nowadays to write down a few words about something of my own. That forerunner of the 'construction kit' was created by me in an exhausting and sometimes even exhausting way. At that time many things about my life became clear to me. So I have already recognized it at that time what has driven me straight into a ruin. Thereupon I have finally desisted from continuing such a way any longer.

For this reason I strive for a consolidation of my things. I am looking for an order of my existence as a human being, how it endures. That is why I have given myself my own alignment. It has needed some time to be established by me. I have had to dissolve and give away a lot of superfluous things that were once wrongly appropriated. Sometimes I even stood there empty-handed in front of other people, because I tried to reflect on the essentials of my life.

In life, my attitude is important to me. I would like to convey it to you through my work. Other people should be able to perceive me as I am. For this it is necessary to be sincere. I would like to use my strength to express what is mine in true words.

That is why I have fixed my good on three supporting pillars. First of all, I have to name the position in which I find myself. Thereupon I discuss my basic attitude. Finally, I also find words for my inner resonance, which a behavior of mine is able to release.

The whole of it is what I've been about while I've been a writer, putting my thoughts and ideas on paper or file.

Thought

Something for which I just have not found words, I can still be. A description to a thing I understand as a rule as something additional. But also the spirit of a man has his ways and approaches to give himself a language and thus to give himself some words for an event. There his impulses support and strengthen him. They come about mostly to a balance. It should be a truth of the life that everything tries to preserve itself. There we do well to observe it, how this happens.

Documentation

Saying something from perception

I have a being of my own that I want to do justice to. I know that I appear to other people in a light of my own. There I have a shape to own and can face other people. The good, which is to make me, is to be set up by me and the reaction to me is to be perceived by me. Basically, I have to deal with how I appear to other people. In this, I want to consolidate my being, that my things are of a good kind.

I can also hear myself as I am. Yes, I know myself well. Also before me I appear as a being with shape. Sometimes I even suffer because of this, because I do not want to accept everything that makes me.

There I would like to learn to leave what is. With this, I am trying to initiate an insight of mine. It is necessary that I acknowledge myself as I am.

I take such a position. As a result, I was happy to stand by myself again.

Documentation

A fundamental decision

I introduce myself to you personally here. To do this, I design background from my life and bring it to light. I have also done this for myself.

The representation of my basis of life I do in detail in order to be able to derive once from it the motives of my life. Finally it is about the explanation of my art form. In order to be able to seize the root of it, I have indicated these things in the 'construction kit'.

Thought

From the habitus of a writer

Mathias Schneider has brought many things to the file since he has been writing the wiki 'Einsiedelei'. The work on this writing should bring to light something that demands to be heard. One should be able to assign the words written down here to the person of their author and form a picture of him with their help. The work should stand for itself and be regarded as it turned out.

Documentation

Something with weight

Here on the Wiki 'Hermitage' I would like to be allowed to point out to you what has come up with me truly in the life for a concern. There I show what has occurred with myself in thoughts and ideas.

I want to be consistent in reflecting something like that, because it is causal for my life that I know about it. I was also interested in how to illuminate one's own background with words. To do justice to such a task is what I have in mind. I expect a lot from it.

In the meantime it has become so true with me that I have created an 'everlasting' newspaper to my existence. Of course it is not finished yet. It will also be to be supplemented furthermore. The designation 'data sheet of my life' would be presumably just as applicable to this writing collection.

That's where I regularly read through my texts. Pass by pass I have thereby maintained the analogy that the own words want to be equated with the spun material of a weaving. There I have woven at work a cloth with words. The product unfolds quite a few thoughts and ideas of mine.

There I regard my card index as a manufacture which I have produced myself with own effort. Meanwhile the writings are to be understood as testimonies of my labor.

I would now like to review all of this bit by bit. I consequently carry out quality control.

This work obviously has my existence as a theme. In addition, I put my art work in the focus.

During the times of my life's journey so far, I have come to realize that I need certainty about my things. Again and again I have set out to attach something of my life and yet failed. That is why I have revised my things and checked them.

After a first collection of trivial things in the index 'Beggar Wiki' I worked my way to the substantial parts of my life and learned to present them. Successively I have accepted the essential thoughts of me and woven them into my text work.

Afterwards, I found out what weaknesses my writing did contain. I was visibly worse off because my involvement with this life had been so draining.

I have already determined from this decline of mine that some of it will be of concern for my coming phases of life. That's why I've come to realistically assess what I need to do to recover through the same type of activity.

From the moment of an event with me I develop meanwhile the own good, as it has actually been. I stabilize that as it is possible for me just now. Basically I present with my writing the definitions of what makes me.

Thought

You can recognize speed by the quality of a reaction.

Impulse

One existence

An own make, an image equal to a mandala in its value, is to be something which I would like to form once. For this I take something of the good available with me and develop it. I would like to sift my fundus for this and arrange the things contained in it.

So I have already created many a good thing for myself.

Thought

Creative power

Often I have been active at the own work and have felt well with it. Some own I form meanwhile and find to word to call the qualities of it, which are to me. That has become true by itself. A sum of the whole has resulted everything what has been provided by me.

The works have passed into my fundus, if I have received them. I have focused on that that I deal with what has been provided by me by means of my fund. Thus I have known how to develop myself in independence. Since my goods are self-designed, the results of their preparation have also been so. Time after time I have known to fix more of what is inscribed to me. A reproduction of these facts has emphasized their shine. This gleam is to be understood only as something what describes the things according to their true nature. By this I have fixed that order which is inherent in my things.

Impulse

An immediacy of the given

I would like to try to turn to such a thing, as it is embodied by the Wiki here, with a certain devotion. Thereby I will build my statements on my fundus and consider this increasingly with the work. Thus I shall succeed in integrating more and more of what I once created here. To a cross-linking and interconnection of my thoughts it should serve that I have represented them. In the life something takes place which can be very significant. It can be that even if it experiences validity alone only with a single person. Something can be recognized by us, we can also name it, what this is. With it a contemplative moment should be possible for me. What I have set up there with me, I will gladly release with my own works. That way I want to be able to make it accessible to other people. Meanwhile I have strengthened myself at the source of my own thoughts.

Then, if one's own work embodies a sufficient goodness, one should be able to look at it, read it and perhaps also understand something of what it is. Those circumstances, under which it once originated, should not be neglected thereby by me. Also to these I have said something if possible. There I speak about my small achievements and carry them out in specially created writings.

My life spark would like to jump there from my words on a readership or also not. Such a fire basically wants to be passed on and yet it can just as well pass away again. In it we humans have been free. It should correspond to the course of the things and occur in such a way as it is just wanted by someone.

There I have not only experienced a joy in it, but also used it beneficially for me. The good, which is mine, has also initiated something comparable with me. I try to manage that I learn to convey its content to another person than me. In it I would like to train myself.

Then, when I have grasped something of it in a truthful way, which is fundamentally given to me, I want to be able to show it to another person, how good that is for me.

The tools and the equipment, which I need, I would like to procure myself by means of my works to it, so that they are suitable for my purposes. So something shall mature with me what has to do with how I approach my things. I try to realize a benign progress of my things. After all I have already created the 'construction kit' with its wikis for such a purpose.

There I will hopefully have something from the fact that I have been working on it so much for quite some time. In the meantime, I have sifted and arranged my writings, but also weighted their content. What I have written there, I can expand and improve from time to time.

Reminder

Keep a peace with patience

I confess to my work as a man of letters. This is a task that I previously designated for myself, and it continues to exist. That is why I wrote the wiki, because I want to prepare myself to take more responsibility for myself.

An own make has naturally represented something of it what makes its producer. It should do that with me also in sufficient way, so that others and I will have something from it.

Of my concerns, my texts should say something because they have been significant at times. I believe that something like this needs to be mentioned. One will have to look at it, which consequence it has.

There I gladly continued to work on my card index. With their help, I have already attached the basic of my life.

Documentation

An interplay of incidents

Unfortunately, it is sometimes true that I have not thought enough. I recognize that. At times I find myself in a predicament. Then I have been looking for a refuge for myself.

I usually found such a refuge at my home. There I have devoted myself to my art thing. I orient myself with the works at my being.

Something I wrote down about this. But I have rearranged my writings again and again, which confuses me at times.

Impulse

Purification

I have granted myself a sensation all my life. It serves me for orientation.

I look at what I need for myself. That's what I've put down in my words. Some statement I have made like this.

Something good has been released from me. The 'thought protocols' I created before helped me to clarify my things. There I wrote about what my life means to me and how I assign my work to me.

I take pleasure in the creation of my texts. The use of the German language should educate us. There we want to be someone who is heard.

This type of employment is considered superfluous. Yet its benefits are great for me.

Thanks to the fact that I write, I can understand my existence. I have already put some of it in perspective.

Thought

The fate of a man

I sometimes pass with my own cause, without there having been any clearly apparent reason why this is so with me. This has puzzled me at times. Some things have worked out well for me without my understanding why that has been so. I sometimes think about it, but hardly ever come to a sensible conclusion.

I myself have not recognized the goal to which I have been directed all my life. All the time I feel as unsteady. There I go somewhere, but can hardly attach something neat to it. I realize that I am a bit chaotic. Therefore I have returned again and again to the starting point of all my ways and have begun from the beginning to walk my way of life.

Something of it is to be kept in order, what makes me. That's what I'm trying to do. That has meaning for me.

So I went out and did my task that was due. Even though I have walked on the shortest path, I am doing well with it. It should reveal to me the natural course of things, so that I can recognize them. So I accept my existence that I imagine what it holds for me. That is to be more than I have known now.

Impulse

Acknowledge an inferiority by itself

I go unabbreviated ways and do not consider three steps far the own way in advance. It takes some practice to nevertheless get along well with the world. So much is happening in it. What else can one do than to keep calm. I do that in my own way, as I am used to doing. So far, that's the way it is with me. I know this well from myself.

I am now planning to do some empirical field research. I am doing this to find good techniques for myself at work, which can be applied. I've made some progress along the way, and I'm already partly satisfied with what I've been able to come up with. The fact that one announces something of it made me ready for this existence.

Something appears and is shaped by me. I enumerate my steps of action and add them up to a whole. This is to be once the whole, which I can recognize. I want to name something like that. I do this at such moments of my life that have meant something to me. Such there are, they occur situatively with me and need only to be used. So I have already come this far on my way and I am still going a little further. This is to make me persistent. By means of this own technique I try to stabilize myself health-wise. I want to be resilient.

The frequented course of the things is regarded by me as one of the possibilities for the cognition of a truth. To an approximation solution according to Newton's principle I approach my experience values coming from the outside to the own. There it happens from time to time that I do a counting of those recurring occurrences which appear to me there on this way. A frequency of the repetition of their occurrence testifies to their necessity. What has meaning for me, that occurs multiformly, but will be more clearly understandable from time to time. There I am gladly convinced of the correctness of such an explainable fact. Nobody knows its true outcome. All of us humans are on the way to an improved existence. Also I take part in it to ensure such a one. The peace will have to be preserved. Meanwhile my work creation has begun to prosper.

It has proven true many times in my life that I am sometimes very good at judging what is right for me. I believe in this so strongly. Thereupon I have taken up the further very conscientiously and have done what has appeared to me audibly as to be done. I have made that my task. This is how what I can accomplish happens. I do that to receive an already given happiness. Thus my work has come into being in the aftermath of the day's work, when I have been creatively active in my spare time. A meaning of it would not be given differently than it rightly appears.

Impulse

I would like to say something about my own things

Not to be misunderstood, the idea would hopefully be that my work show should be a whole structure. It is the symbol for my microcosm. A reproduction of the same takes place in particular in the Wiki 'Mandala of the heart'. With own words I have said there something to it what wants to be heard or read. There my work creation is one in the whole.

With this structure of own works, things and things I deal with what conditions me. I try to exist it in such a way. Everything for it is already there and occurs at the work also temporarily in a suitable expression. Hardly something of it I have intentionally falsified. However, things have slipped away from me at times.

How do I now go on the way of the language formation? - It should be certainly possible for a man to recognize that task set to him. I have prepared myself for this in detail, because I know this now already.

I have to set up a lot of things for it and guide them in the right direction. But I have not been so particularly confident that I can do it once. My own has always meant something to me, but I don't want to have gambled it away prematurely. Much rather than that, I would like to continue to work hard so that my life can go on in the right way. So, true to my disposition as a human being, I live my existence. That what appears to me in the meantime, I always leave in such a way as it can appear and would like to know to accept it.

That shall be my capital. Alone, only I will work for my cause. And I alone want to do such a thing only in an honest way.

Something I ask myself about this. Haven't I already received everything that is good for me to tackle the task?

Documentation

A path of experience

I walk a path of experiencing the given in my work and also in my other life. This path is said to have been described by Confucius as the bitterest of all paths. However, I recognize in the bitterness of the path a reason for mindfulness and care for myself. It has not been prescribed for me to walk an easier and passable path. The ways of imitation and learning by one's own reflection complement the main way of experience and yet alone line it. The whole way forms the road for me on which I am at home. On it I walk in steps.

Quite concretely my creation forms itself as an experience of the given in an order and beauty found by me. Thereby my works do not carry the completeness and perfection of the works of other people. Instead, they have shown some elementary lack of me.

The acceptance of a lesser value of those things created by me compared to the works of other people has already brought me some certainty about myself and life. This has put me in the right position to argue through my efforts for myself as well as for people and their lot.

I believe that man should be allowed to shape his own things according to his own disposition, as it is really given. It should be according to which he has to act. This will confirm him. In front of himself he will experience many an honor and notice his real dignity. It should be this, which is based on the secret of a true human existence, which has not yet been revealed.

The human being is to be recognized, as he is already there and occurs nowadays, as full value. It should not be necessary to justify this. It should also not be given in such a way that this is put into an unjustified dichotomy because of it, although it exists. One is more valuable as a human being because this is a necessity of life. Everything different would be merely a joke and would therefore be neither to be used nor to be used. The empowerment of man should always be one thanks to which he learns to exist. This will serve the whole more than is generally already known.

Thought

Only a few things are needed to be happy. But this is to be something true, which is really given.

Impulse

A master builder's manifesto

My life is no longer a shambles for me. I am living a good, right life again. I have almost completed my odyssey and almost survived my great test.

I live my life as I can, in a benign way, directing myself to serve the Lord with what I can, have and am. I want to be available to him if he ever needs me. I see that as an important part of that task intended for me. I look forward to being ready for him.

Meanwhile, my existence has remained limited in many respects. My life alone is only a conditional one. I don't burden myself with any other big task and also don't undertake any big journey any more to remain ready for that thing which is already known to me. I therefore live a simple life, which is directed by me to fulfill that task already set for me once really well. My joy is based on that.

Meanwhile, I take my fellow men and their concerns into account to a large extent. To this end, I faithfully respond to their wishes and suggestions. Where I can afford it, I even follow their will. However, I do not want to do this unduly.

In addition, I try to be a certain support for other people. I aim to remain reliable for them as well. My own life situation will probably be further stabilized in this way. I have already got many a good purpose in life for myself in such a way. My situation will improve somewhat with each additional day of righteous constancy, I believe.

I have suffered so much in my life before. However, the cramps of my soul have slowly begun to dissolve again. I have already started to breathe a little more freely again. So now I feel better again after all the long time of disorientation.

In the meantime, have I remained capable of happiness? Will I still exist well in life as the person I have become in the process? - Some thoughts from the phase of such considerations are difficult to understand. However, I have addressed them also here now once. It is known to the decisive persons how it really stood around me at this time. It is now already past. Once again the country has come into view. There I try it nevertheless soon to throw out my anchor and to recover from those old strains again.

My environment has recognized some of my limitations in recent years and begun to take them into account. Thus, I am sometimes granted some relief in everyday life. In the meantime, I have the feeling that I have the support of some people. I would like to be very grateful to them for this.

Thanks to its quality, my existence has finally become a healing haven for me. Many good things have found their way back to me. Some things have had to settle down again first, but I have received the time for it. Since those dark years of decline, a lot of green grass has grown again with me. On some beautiful days I have experienced some better moments. There I have finally made good experiences with my existence again. I do not want to regard it now any more completely as decayed. Also I try it still to draw hope for me.

I am concerned about my fellow human beings. However, I can sometimes also be very firm in my words when it comes to averting imminent harm.

I also deal well with those women around me. I feel it myself that this is true. I like to look at the women around me and also worship them a bit for who they are. I so readily admit that. Most of the time, however, I remain somewhat distant because I don't want to seem unpleasant to them.

I know that I am now already in such an epoch with my life, which finally lets me experience something significant. I now realize what I am, what I can do and what I have. Now it is time to stabilize and strengthen. The big, personal crises of life are probably already over for me. There I would like to thank those entities, which determine the destiny of a human being, that they have not given up on me. I am very happy about the happiness that has already come true for me.

Start with something real that you got from life once. Get it in the way you can. This should be my simple principle for existence. On the basis of its meaning I make clear my approach in life.

I have not searched in the world or fought for what I am not capable of. Rather I determine my happiness by a receipt of what is given to me. Thereby I pay attention to that what is clearly understandable to me from the cosmos. Sun and moon I look at to it and learn something from both. Their course conditions me in a way, as it does the life also. Where I can do that, I compensate my own weaknesses.

Meanwhile, I recognize everything good as conditional. Thanks to the finiteness of the things I can only appear and exist. Also those means of me are such that they can be exhausted.

I have always recognized what has become as truth. Something joins to the other. Thereby the good and the bad exist equally as something of value. All that has become, meanwhile, adds up to a whole in the whole. Thus something of it becomes clear to me. It completes itself meanwhile the own image of the world and becomes our microcosm. Within such we will genuinely gain a realization and understand something.

Now I write everything down like this and think about what I have come up with afterwards. It seems to me as if I can improve my idea of what constitutes me through this. I am able to depict my inner world in such a detailed way and thereby also develop an actual fantasy.

I am sitting there right now. At the work table with me at home I am. I have my written basis in the form of a text file on the PC before eyes and have equipped it gradually further. With screen and keyboard I create in such a way something, which is fair to me. In the process my things come little by little into the right condition.

With the help of this type of employment, I finally find what I still lacked for existence. I educate myself with it. This illustration of my world of imagination equips me for life with something further, which I have always needed.